Over the years that Eugene Ormandy was conductor of the Philadelphia Orchestra, some members of the orchestra kept track of malapropisms and funny inconsistencies in his directions to them. These Ormandy examples were published in the March 1987 issue of Local 802's journal _Allegro_. Herewith a selection:
Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa.
I'm conducting very slowly because I don't know the tempo.
I am thinking it right but beating it wrong.
I can conduct better than I count.
Why do you always insist on playing when I am trying to conduct?
Don't ever follow me, because I am difficult.
It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.
The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong.
It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect.
Start three bars before something.
Did you play? It sounded very good.
Percussion, a little louder. ("We don't have anything.") That's right, play it louder.
I need one more bass less.
Brass, stay down all summer.
Accelerando means in tempo. Don't rush.
I don't want to repeat this a hundred times. When you see crescendo, it means p [piano].
We can't hear the balance yet because the soloist is still on the airplane.
Please follow me because I have to follow him and he isn't here.
..he is a wonderful man, and so is his wife.
Bizet was a very young man when he composed this symphony, so play it soft.
That's the way Stravinsky was--Bup, bup, bup. The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato.
[On Oistrakh's death:] I told him he'd have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.
This is a very democratic organizaion, so let's take a vote. All those who disagree with me raise their hands.
It's all very well to have principles, but when it comes to money you have to be flexible.
Thank you for your cooperation and vice versa.
I never say what I mean but I always manage to say something similar.
I don't mean to make you nervous, but unfortunately I have to.
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